Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Karlos]

Hi all,

Just when you thought it was safe to visit the forums, I found another groaner ;-)

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mum, Dad, and Gran. Bye, Grandad."
The father didn't quite know what to make of his son's last comment, but was glad his son was praying nonetheless.

The next morning, they found Grandad had died in his sleep. The doctor explained he'd had a heart attack that could have happened at any time. Thinking about his son's prayer, the guy reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mum and Dad. Bye, Gran..."

The guy, getting paranoid, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the very next day Gran was found dead in her bed, having similarly passed away in her sleep.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night.
Sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mum. Bye, Dad.."

Now the guy was crapping bricks. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the doorstep.

Wife, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found milkman dead on the driveway this morning!"

[Karlos]

Was it that bad?

[Karlos]

Vincent wrote:

Karlos, I think you've reached the bottom with that one ;-) :-P

Yeah, on reflection, it was that bad...More like I scraped clean through the bottom and am now in the barrel underneath ;-)

[Karlos]

Howdy all...

There was an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman working on a tower block construction site. All three are sick of the bad conditions, weather, poor pay, you name it.
Depression sets in after a few weeks and they lose rationality to the point that even the contents of their lunch boxes begin to annoy them.

Englishman, "Bloody hell! Not again! Beef sandwiches. Why does she always, always give me beef sandwiches?"

Unable to take any more, he jumps from the tower.

Along the same vein, the Scotsman opens his lunch, "Och, nooo! Notcheese and pickle. Why always cheese and pickle? Is a change tee much tee ask fer?"

He jumps.

The Irishman reluctantly opens his lunck. "Not bloody jam butties again. For the love of God".

He follows his workmates and leaps to his death.

Later, the three widows are consoling each other.

Englishmans' widow "I don't understand. I mean, I gave him beef, I thought it was his favourite. If only he'd said something.."

The other widows agree and mutually console each other.

Irishman's widow, "I dont understand. Paddy used to make his own sandwiches..."

:-P

[Karlos]

Venkman wrote:
You have my deepest sympathy  :-D

So he should ;-)

[Karlos]

Just when you thought it was safe to log onto a.org, I found this strange groaner...



1) How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.
2) How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door.

3) The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend, except one. Which animal does not attend?
The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator.

4) There is a river you must cross. But it is filled with crocodiles. How do you manage it?
You swim across -- all the crocodiles are attending the animal conference.
 


:-P

[Karlos]

Not groansome enuff for ye?

Try this

Q: Why did the stoner cross the road?

A: Well, who the hell else would follow a chicken?

:crazy:

[Karlos]

Or this...

A dog trots casually into a pub. To the surprise of the landlord, he hops up on a bar stool and puts his front paws on the bar.
He looks the landlord right in the eye and says, "I'm a talking dog. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? No? Thought not. Totally unique, I am. So,  have you got a decent drink to spare for a talking dog?"
 
The landlord thinks for a moment and says, "Sure. The toilet's right around the corner."

:-P

[Karlos]

Ok, another, slightly racier groaner here...

It's the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in.
''Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?'' he says.

''That's cool.'' says Bobby.

Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.

Peggy Sue's father responds, ''Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.''

Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says, ''Whaaaat?''

''Yeah,'' says Peggy Sue's father, ''Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!''

Bobby's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, ''Have a good evening, kids!''

About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: ''Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It's called the twist!!''

[Karlos]

Venkman wrote:


Are you tring to single handedly keep this thread alive?  :-D

Well, someone has to :-)

[Karlos]

Jeez! I have to say, what a miserable bunch of beggers youv'e all been lately :-P ;-)

Here I am, going to heroic lengths to find jokes so appaulingly poor that you just *have* to laugh, solely to bring a wee bit of light heartedness to your lives and what thanks do I get?

:-D

[Karlos]

Due to chronic overcrowding in Heaven, St. Peter was tasked with devising a selection process to winnow down the number of future entrants.
He comes up with a simple quiz that, he feels, should sort the wheat from the chaff. In order to be fair, he scaled the questions difficulty to match the religious knowledge of the applicant.

Later, a recently deceased bricklayer ascended to heaven, and arrived at the gates.
 
"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.

"Er, Adam. It was Adam"

"That's correct. You may enter."

Soon another man came along.

Peter, "Where did Adam and Eve live?"

"Wasn't that Eden? Yeah, Eden. A garden or something like that."

"That's correct. You may enter."

Later Mother Theresa came along.

"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"

"Mmm, that IS a hard one."

"Enter."

:-P

[Karlos]

Well, how abou...

Blimey, is that the time?

[Karlos]

Doh!

[Karlos]

:roflmao:

More like it :-D

[Karlos]

I just heard this one. Don't read it if youre' a Bush fan :-D

One day, three boys were out fishing in their dad's boat when they heard a guy yelling for help.
Amazingly, It transpired to be President Bush who, having gotten into difficulty reeling in a catch had fallen overboard and was beginning to drown.

Together  the three boys managed to rescue the President. He thanked them dearly, on behalf of himself, his family and the government. He also invited them to the Whitehouse for a presentation for bravery. In private, he also promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy asked for $10,000 and without hesitation, the President wrote him a cheque for the money.
The second boy, encouraged by this, asked for a sports car and surely enough was taken by a member of staff to the nearest showroom.

The third boy asked for a wheelchair.

Slightly bemused by this, President Bush asked of him, “Why do you want a wheelchair, son? You seem to be a perfectly healthy, able-bodied young man. Do your really need one?”

“No, but I will when my pa finds out whose life I saved.”

:-P