Ehh I hope I'm wrong here but...
on the newer AMD chips, you don't "push down" like you did with the old socket A stuff, you "apply pressure by unscrewing" - not gonna take photos, but basically you screw at the top of one retainer and it goes down; fit the heatsink on top of the cpu; unscrew which steadily applies pressure. Its set so that, when you can't unscrew any more, the right amount of force is applied between the heatsink and IHS (integrated heatsink - melded to the cpu).
Edit - I should say, the locking mech depends entirely on the heatsink, but even so the two screwdrivers story is scary - care to phost (eek that came out of nowhere, post photos...phostos?)
As to what the actual problem is, do the following:
take out everything except the cpu, one stick of ram, and a pci graphics card. I have no idea about SLI boards, but of course do as required to turn off/disable the PCI-E SLI stuff that it says in the manual.
See if it will POST with cpu, one stick of ram, the fans, and thats all attached.
As mentioned make sure you have attached a 20-pin ATX connector and the newer-but-not-that-new 4 pin extra header; if your PSU doesn't have one you can either get an ATX to ATX+4pin splitter, or to be honest if its high powered stuff, you'd be better off getting a new and decent psu.
Again just checking, but a "nice" layer of thermal interface material (TIM) is very very thin...unless you're using a lump pad thing.