The Unofficial Professor F J Lewis Appreciation Thread

[Oliver]

Hillarious.  Great insults.  My old crew of mates and I used to have great times just insulting each other in the most personal and disgraceful ways.  Unfortunately, I am somewhat out of the practice of humour for several years, since my wife's English just isn't up to it.

This thread is the most enjoyable thing I've seen in ages.  Great insults, great retorts, and smiles all round.   :pint:  Cheers guys.  Thanks.  I'm only sorry I feel a little too out of practice to join in.

[X-ray]

@ Adz

See a shabby Biggles impersonator leaning out of the side of a rattling biplane, barely able to stay aloft at 1000 feet? See his quivering hand and tenuous grip on a piece of photographic equipment that is not yet advanced enough to be called a camera, but which is being employed for that purpose? Do you see that, sir, do you see him taking pictures of the landscape?
That's you, that is.
That's how you take macro photographs.

[X-ray]

@ Blobzie

See that toilet roll tube, found in a gutter outside a sexual diseases clinic? See how a bubble of sputum covers one end from where a vagrant put it into his mouth in an act of drunken stupor? See the other end with a semi-opaque candy wrapper haphazardly jammed in there by the wind? Do you see that ma'am?
That's your telescope, that is.
That's what you use to look at the stars, but most of the time you use it the wrong way around.

[X-ray]

You see the list of names below here? That's who is better than me, that is.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

[Karlos]

@X-Ray

You see the list of names below here? That's who is better than me, that is.

I have observed the list, including as it does, Oliver, PMC, CannonFodder, Adz and myself...

See your amiga.org rank?

...

[X-ray]

Well, you are envious of me, and I won't stop you.

[Karlos]

I think not.

See a large mass of ferrous metal, slightly weathered with distinct reddish brown shades of rust?

That's your understanding of "irony", that is...

[X-ray]

Such large mass of rusting utensils being what you use as cutlery.

[X-ray]

See that impressive list of Amiga.org members, some of whom are online as we speak?
Do you see that?
Those are my fans, those are.
Those are the ones who are laughing at your cutlery. But soon they will feel sorry for you and have a collection to buy you at least one respectable spoon.

[Karlos]

X-ray wrote:
Such large mass of rusting utensils being what you use as cutlery.

Actually, that's your Zimmer Frame, that is. It was brand new looking when you left the house with it when you rushed to the post office to get the one parcel anybody ever sent you. When you got there, you found out the parcel was a new cutlery set, actually addressed to me. Your frame rusted in the time it took you to get there and back, it did, despite a lifetime's manufacturers guarentee.

Do you recall that journey? That was your fastest ever movement since you were 30, that was. That was you training to join the nation's athletics team. That was you hopped up on amphetamines, that was.

[guest3217]

 :lol:

[X-ray]

Well, you are envious of my speed, and I won't stop you.

[Karlos]

See a simplistic string of text that matches the Perl style regular expression:

/well, you are envious of .*?, and I won't stop you\?/i

?

Note the direct evolution from the common "you're just jealous of..." response as employed by pre-school children. Note how more sophisticated responses are generally used once the lingustic skill of said indivuduals has improved, whereas the above response demonstrates only a modest increase in vocabulary, such as may be made by an adult of diminished mental capability. Note also that further evidence of this disadvantage can be demonstrated from the repeated use of the above phrase.

Do you note these points? Very good, since that's your best ever retort to an insult, that is. That's what you use when your'e "owned" by superior insult mongers, that is :-P

[X-ray]

Well I am tayloring the evolution (or lack thereof) of my comments, to the IQ of the person to whom it is directed  :-P

[X-ray]

See a wretched street urchin in the grasp of a nefarious narcotic, his spasmodic antics remininscent of strychnine poisoning? See him tipping the contents of a can of alphabet soup over the side of a building, the letters applied here and there with much frenzy and minimal purpose? Do you see that chaotic tapestry of jumbled letters?
That's your finest prose, that is.
That's what you produce when you apply yourself with maximum effort to the simplest of communications.

[Karlos]

I have observed the phenomenon, I found it particularly reminiscent of the last time you attempted to make dinner.

Well I am tayloring the evolution (or lack thereof) of my comments, to the IQ of the person to whom it is directed

And that's why your'e losing, that is. Like a totally blind man taking a free kick after being deliberately spun in circles, you are aiming in completely the wrong direction. I would suggest you look upwards, if your ageing hunched back would allow it, but I fear you may injure yourself fatally in the attempt, thus denying me of the amusement I derive from your attempts at insult mongering, comedic as they are, but only in the tragedy of their ineffectual delivery.