I heard about a guy who finally succeeded in resolving his yellow Amiga problem. He'd tried for many months to get his beloved A500 back to something like it's pristine colour, but failed. All the usual remedies were tried with tender loving care. The bleaches, the rubbing alcohols, the ammonia soaks, etc., etc. All had failed and his poor little Amiga seemed to just get worse.
Anyway, by chance he saw a news article on tv which stuck in his mind. Some geezer had been awoken in the middle of the night by what he thought was a burglar. When he finally set eyes on the intruder, it wasn't a person at all but a ghostly apparition. It was standing with its back to him. Then it slowly turned around in a floaty sort of way and glided towards him. Bending over, putting its awful face fully up to the geezer's nose it took in a real deep wheezy breath.
Shaking with dreaded anticipation, the chap thought his end had surely come. "BOOOOO....!" yelled the apparition, scaring the living daylights out of the poor man. Turning away, the visitor just vanished with a faint popping sound. The shaking fellow fell back on his bed and fainted.
Next morning, he shuffled into the bathroom and was shocked to see his hair had turned completely white! He'd heard about it before, but never thought it would happen to him. It was the shock you see.
Now before you get ahead of me, stay with it a bit longer.
After spending another three days studying Michael Jackson's case, the Amigan was at his wits end. He'd tried all the TLC Amigans are famous for and failed. It was the end of the line for his baby. He rushed to the cupboard where his A500 rested overnight and, flinging open the door with an almighty crash, he grabbed the machine with both hands and shook it like a man possessed.
"You ungrateful little t*rd! You selfish little b*gger! I spend all my life looking after you and all you do is turn yellow on me! You stinking little coward! I'm done with ya!" And he threw the thing back in the cupboard and slammed the door on it. "That'll show it. I'm done with it." he muttered under his breath.
He didn't go near the machine for weeks. He was completely depressed about anything and everything Amiga. Over following days, he really began to feel the draw of the Dark Side. Desparately he fought against it day in and day out. Months passed, but he eventually won the battle. MicroSoft would not have his soul - and the Amiga spirit slowly returned to him.
One morning after a good night's sleep, he fancied doing a little DPainting and maybe brush up on his Arexx. On opening the cupboard, he was astonished to see his old yellow Amiga had been replaced by a gleaming white one. "What the hell..? Who could have swapped it?" he wondered. But looking more closely at the case, he noticed some old familiar signs. The 'ET+JT' initials he scratched when he finally found a girlfriend. The dented space bar where the dishwasher's spinner kept catching the keyboard. This wasn't a new machine at all, it was his old faithful pal.
Over the months, he'd completely forgotten all his ranting and screaming at the little machine, but the A500 hadn't. It was the shock you see.
Now all this is a true story. I know because that man was well known to me. I know because I was that man.
Anyone seen the Vim?
JaX
