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Offline WilseTopic starter

Christmas Party.
« on: December 16, 2004, 06:39:32 PM »
Christmas Party

>FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>TO: All Employees
>DATE: 4 November 2004
>RE: Christmas Party.
>I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
>December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill
>House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
>band playing traditional carols .... please feel free to sing along. And
>don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas
>tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done
>that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of
>gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees!
>MD will make a special announcement at the Party. Merry Christmas to you
>your Family.
>FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>TO: All Employees
>DATE: 5 November 2004
>RE: Holiday Party
>In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
>recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides
>Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're
>calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other
>employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or
>Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
>enjoyment.Happy now? Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>TO: All Employees
>DATE: 6 November 2004
>RE: Holiday Party.
>Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
>requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
>accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
>Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!!How am I supposed to handle
>this?Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed
>since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and
>believe £10.00 is a little cheap.NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>TO: All Employees
>DATE: 7 November 2004
>RE: Holiday Party.
>What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the
>Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
>daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
>luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslin employees'
>beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
>end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a
>little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
>of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
>women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit
>with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have
>their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's
>table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross
>dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat
>will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
>the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food
>first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
>cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorrry!Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!
>FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
>TO: All F****** Employees
>DATE: 8 November 2004
>RE: The F****** Holiday Party
>Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this
>party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
>at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put
>and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you
>know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you
>slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW !! I
>you all have a rotten holiday,The {bleep} from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>DATE: 9 November 2004
>RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
>I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery
>and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the
>Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give
>the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.Happy Holidays

Offline Star69

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Re: Christmas Party.
« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2004, 09:25:08 PM »

Offline adz

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Re: Christmas Party.
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2004, 11:05:12 PM »
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Sadly, the way things are going, that isn't all that far from the truth :-x

Offline Dan

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Re: Christmas Party.
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2004, 11:29:50 PM »
 :roflmao:  :roflmao:  :roflmao:
Apple did it right the first time, bring back the Newton!

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Re: Christmas Party.
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2004, 11:42:05 PM »
 :pint:  :roflmao:  :roflmao:  :roflmao:  :roflmao:  :roflmao:  :pint:  :pint:  :pint:  :pint:  :laughing: