Lorraine wrote:
And that's the difference between being politely dishonest and in-your-face "telling-it-how-it-is" biatch!
Being honest isn't necessarily insulting someone, nor shouting things that come to mind.
Quite. But what one person intends as delicate honesty, another person may interpret as insulting. The person asking for an opinion on their hair will probably be doing it for one of three reasons:
1. They suspect their hair looks awful and they are seeking confirmation so they know they need to change it.
2. They suspect their hair looks awful and are hoping for reassurance that it actually looks ok.
3. They genuinely have no opinion regarding their hair and are seeking an objective opinion.
In cases 1 and 3, the individual will most likely be grateful for an honest opinion, even if that opinion confirms that their hair is horrible. However, in situation 2 the individual is probably sensitive and since they are seeking reassurance, may well feel insulted by an honest response even if it was not intended that way.
Lorraine wrote:
If this was Big Brother being honesty is usually perceived as one of two things:
1) The person isn't two-faced, he/she keeps it real.
2) The person is bullying, Offcom on standby...
I have never watched Big Brother, so I'm afraid I have no idea what you're talking about ;-)
Lorraine wrote:
Moto's idea was good for telling the truth when it is needed, not for the sake of it - having a bad haircut could hurt someone more in the longrun.
Well, maybe we're over-analysing. But for me politeness is paramount first, and then common sense kicks in for how much honesty is needed.
Quite. And the skill in reading the speaker in order to discover their true intention (i.e. why they are asking you about their hair) is important for this very reason. Your interpretation of your communication partner's intentions will shape your responses, and response to them will likewise be interpreted not only by what they know about you but also by their motivation for asking the question in the first place. It is often very difficult to truly get in to the head of a speaker, which is why questions like "what do you think of my hair?" are often responded to with a follow-up question like "why?" in order to discover the motivation of the speaker, in order to ensure that your response is congruent with their goal so as to avoid hurting their feelings.
Communication is fascinating :-D