> If the failed 21/7 bombers had just waited three more days, we'd all be
> calling them the 24/7 bombers. This would imply that they blow things up
> all day every day and, despite their actual lack of success, make them
> at least sound like they were good at bombing.
> Christina Martin, London
>
> I just saw a van drive by with the company name 'Seafood Solutions'.
> I must admit, I didn't know seafood was a problem.
> Martin Kristos
>
> It is said that gentlemen prefer blondes. I hope then that lesbians
> prefer brunettes, otherwise we might have to organise some kind of rota
> system.
>
> Johnny Pring
>
> I'm beginning to think there may be something in this climate change
> after all. Four months ago it was quite warm and now it's very cold.
> Alan Heath
>
> A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in the US by a tornado told ITV
> News that 'God would make her better.' Presumably, that's a different
> God from the one that almost killed her in the first place.
> M Lovejoy
>
> 'She can dish it out, but she cannot take it', I once heard someone say
> of me. And it's true - I'm a school dinner lady and I'm allergic to
> mashed potatoes.
> Mrs Pinches, Hereford
>
> I heard on the news that the 2007 January storms had cost this country a
> billion pounds. What an utter waste of money. If anything, they did more
> harm than good.
> S Prodnipple, Scarborough
>
> So Prince's Harry and William threw a party to celebrate the 10th
> anniversary of their mother's death. I'm glad that they can finally
> laugh about it, but throwing a party seems a bit harsh.
> D Antarctica, Rhyll
>
> I think Sir Paul McCartney should try to put his current predicament
> into perspective. In the olden days, if you were unfortunate enough to
> be robbed by a monoped, it would almost certainly be a pirate. At least
> he's going to come out of this alive.
> Stella, Matlock
>
> What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved
> one standing by screaming 'Give him some chocolate! Give him some
> chocolate!
> The
> next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash
> they say 'No thanks, I'm diabetic.' I wish they'd get their story
> straight.
> T Potter
>
> Yesterday I received an e-mail from a bored housewife looking for some
> action. Eager to please the young lady I sent her my ironing. That
> should keep her quiet for a while.
> Warren
>
> This new police knife amnesty is a bloody nightmare. I dutifully handed
> all my knives in and now I've got nothing to eat my dinner with.
> Richard Karslake, Oxfordshire
>
> To the zookeeper in 1978 who replied: 'I'll tell you when you're older',
> when I asked him why one of the monkeys stuck its tongue up another
> one's
> arse: I'm 36 now and still waiting for the explanation.
> Joe McKeown
>
> I have just returned from a diplomatic trip to the Congo and I can
> testify that at no point did I see anyone drinking Um Bongo.
> Neil Palmer
>
> I'm a terrorist, and when ID cards come into force I will probably
> employ great cunning and not declare that as my job. I'll probably say
> I'm a grocer or something.
> A Terrorist
>
> Why don't NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their
> attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA
> outbreaks in no time.
> Stu Bray
>
> 'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the advert says.
> Imagine
> my disappointment when it closed at 7.30!
> Colum Hill
>
> 'Tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak', sang Thin Lizzy in 1976,
> 'somewhere in this town'. Well, I'm guessing it's going to be at the
> prison.
