:lol:
Don't start me on Mr Simon Cowell. He is a sack of pus even when involved with things not musical. Do you remember how ungrateful he was when Top Gear gave him a trophy for going around their circuit in the fastest time as Star in a Reasonably Priced Car?
Here's how you deal with a ponce like that:
You strap him onto one of those rocket sleds that they test bunker-busting missiles with in the desert. You tie him onto the rocket and tell him he's about to be the fastest motherf*cker around. Then, just to make sure he's as glam as he can be, you pull his pants down, sprinkle some glitter on his arse, start the countdown and roll cameras. Points are awarded to the rocket engineers as follows:
1 POINT: Cowell remains strapped to the rocket as it breaks the sound barrier, but he is not on board when the rocket hits the test wall.
2 POINTS: Cowell comes off the rocket but still strikes the test wall.
3 POINTS: Cowell remains strapped to the rocket right up until impact.
Bonus points are awarded if the wind shear peels his scalp or his cheeks off, and maximum points are awarded if any glitter is found on the other side of the test wall.
Edit: if there was a way to play that Crazy Frog ringtone in his head (above the noise of the rocket) I would make sure that was the last thing he heard as the acceleration pulled his intestines out in a ribbon behind him just before impact.
