Groaner's Corner [was:EMINEM]

[Venkman]

The joke I have remembered is:

What do you call a Russian Doctor?

Ivor Chestikov...



 :-D

[Wilse]

Venkman wrote:
The joke I have remembered is:

What do you call a Russian Doctor?

Ivor Chestikov...



 :-D

Don't forget his snooker playing mate, Inov the Red.

[Venkman]

 :-D

I do have another one that's very similar to these last two, but I'm gonna refrain from posting it...

[Karlos]

Ye Gads, we got some groaners today!

[Venkman]

*sings*

Heeeeeeey Groaners....
Ooooohhhh Groaners....

So what? I'm bored!



 :-D

Hope this doesn't offend anyone...  A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her, and all his professionalism went out the window.

He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh.

Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is right," said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"Correct," replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her.

He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came here in the first place."



 :-o  :-o  :-o

[Karlos]

:lol:

[Venkman]

:lol: :lol:

Pretty good

[Vincent]

:lol: :lol:

Sorry for not posting much today, Sioux's been busy doing reports on this machine, it'll be a week or two before I'll be back to being here more often. ;-)

[Karlos]

Bit of a rude one this so...

It's 1969 and Michael Caine is throwing and 'end of the 60's' party, to which all the era's celebs and best bands are invited. Everything is as OTT and deborched and as he could have hoped for.
Having hob nobbed with Jimmy Page for a while, Michael notices Jim Morrison and Ray Manzarek looking a bit glum in one corner and decides to go and see whats wrong.

Michael, "Gentlemen, you don't seem to be enjoying the party."

Jim, "All the chicks keep turning us down, man. It's a real drag."

Having anticipated every eventuality, Michael tells Jim to go upstairs and check the third door on the left...

15 Minutes later, Jim returns wide eyed, knock-kneed and grinning like a cheshire cat, "Man, she's rock and roll. Can the rest of the band go see her?"

Michael agrees.

Later, when the live music is due to kick off, the Stones are amping up but Mick Jagger is nowhere to be seen...

A few minutes later, he comes staggering down the stairs, similarly knock-kneed and grinning.

Worried just how many 'clients' his hired 'guest' has seen, and more importantly, just how much it's going to cost him the next day, Michael heads upstairs...

Confronting the hooker he's shocked to find that she's already seen half the rockstars present.

"I thought I told you! Your only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!"

:-)

[Venkman]

:roflmao:

That's pretty good...  :-D

Some thoughts for the day:

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

[Wilse]

@Karlos:

"I thought I told you! Your only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!"

:lol: Excellent - that one's going to do the rounds.

I heard something else loosely music related that made me laugh; Shania Twain's biggest influence is, wait for it....Pink Floyd! Seriously! She said so in an interview!
WTF?  :-?
It made me wonder what Harry Enfield's take on it would be. Perhaps something like:
"Oi, Twain! You might be a tasty bit of skirt getting away with your mediocre pop, stroke country sound and I`d be quite happy to  impress you much but if you should come round here, smoking weed and  putting `Uh oh oh oh` vocals in amongst `Shine on You crazy Diamond` I should have to say `OI! TWAIN! NOOOO!

...........now take your figure-hugging, yet unflattering spandex and twee, country pop, and bugger off back to Canada, you stupid, flannel lipped BINT!!!!!'
:madashell:

Or something.
 :-P

[Karlos]

Hi Wilse!

Amen to that! "Country singers, who do they think they are, eh?" :lol:

[Venkman]

A mint walks into a pub, goes up to the bar and says to the barmaid "I'm dead strong me! I'm an extra-strong, rock hard mint. Nothing's harder or stonger than me, now gimme a pint!" The barmaid serves the mint a pint and it goes and sits in the corner.

A few mintues later a lozenge walks in, goes to the bar and asks for a pint. At first sight of the lozenge, the mint panics and runs into the toilets to hide. When the lozenge has left the mint comes back to the bar.

"I'm dead strong me! I'm an extra-strong, rock hard mint. Nothing's harder or stonger than me, now gimme a pint!" Says the mint

"Okay" says the barmaid "But you can't be that tough, cos you nearly wet yourself when you saw that lozenge"

"Ahh" replies the mint "I'm not going anywhere near him. He's menthol"

[Karlos]

Anodther silly one...

This guy has been going out with his new girlfriend for a few weeks and is finally faced with the first classic relationship milestone - 'meet the parents'.

So, he smartens himself up and turns up at 7pm looking suitably respectible and calm, despite being a little nervous.

Over dinner, he establishes a rapport with the father, whom he discovers shares many interests and viewpoints.

Unfortunately, the previous evening was a 'night out with the lads' affair, and the vindaloo was coming back to haunt him.
He discretely lets one go, thankful he managed to do it silently. Unfortunately, it's a bit of a stinker. He feels self-concious as nobody says a word for a moment, then with a longh whine, the family dog skulks out from under the dining table.

Father, 'Rover, get out of here...'

Counting his blessings that everbody thought it was the dog, the guy relaxes.

Later in the evening, having sunk a few pints of guiness with the old boy, he lets one loose again. This time, whilst remaining stealthily silent, it's a true, full on olfactory assault enough to make everbody's eyes water.
To the guys immense relief, the dog, who had previously returned to his spot under the table comes skulking out again..

Father, "For heavens sake Rover! Get out of there! Now boy, before he craps on you!!"

:-D

[Venkman]

shall I groan now or later?
 :-D