(I personally would have said 'Scots boy', but what the hell...)
This was a joke sent to me by a Scots friend of mine, first thing I read this morning and has got my day off to a great start. I'm an English b'stard myself by the way (in the pejorative, not illegitimate sense of the word! lol)
> Teacher: " Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to
> have a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can
> have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday. "
> Wee Jocky (a typical Scottish nyaff) thinks, " Ya dancer. Ah'm puredead
> brilliant at ma general knowledge stuff. This is gonny be a dawdle, come
> oan the noo ya radge, a lang weekend fir me. '
>
> Teacher: " Right class, who can tell me who said. ' Don't ask what your
> country can do for you, but what you can do for your country? '
> Wee Jocky shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air. Teacher
looking
> round picks Jeremy at the front.
> 'Yes, Jeremy? '
> Jeremy (in a very English accent): " Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy
-
> inauguration speech 1960."
> Teacher: " Very good Jeremy. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we
> will see you back in class on Tuesday."
>
> The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Jocky is even more determined .
>
> Teacher: " Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight
> them in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?"
> Wee Jocky's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting " I know. I
> know. Me Miss, me Miss "
> Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front:
> " Yes Timothy."
> Timothy (In a very, very posh, English accent): " Yes miss, the answer is
> Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."
> Teacher: " Very good Timothy , you may stay off Friday and Monday and
come
> back to class on Tuesday."
>
> The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jocky is hyper, he's been
> studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that
> comes.He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.
> Teacher: " Who said 'One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?
"
> Wee Jocky's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat,
> jumping up and down screaming " Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know. Me
Miss,
> me miss, meeeeee "
> Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front .
>
> " Yes Rupert."
> Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully, ever so plummy English accent):
> " Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong. 1967, The first moon landing."
> Teacher: "Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come
> back into class on Tuesday."
>
> Wee Jocky loses the plot altogether, tips his desk and throws his wee
> chair at the wall.
> He starts screaming " Where the f**K did all these English b*st*rds come
> from?"
>
> Teacher looking round the class: " Who the hell said that? "
>
>
> Wee Jocky, grabs his coat and bag and heads for the door,
> "Bonnie Prince Charlie, Culloden, 1746. See yez on Tuesday."
>
:-D
