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AuthorTopic: If An OS Was An Airline.....  (Read 1546 times)

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Offline jd997uk

If An OS Was An Airline.....
« on: February 13, 2003, 03:17:34 PM »
This is quite old, but it does beg a question: What would AmigaOS be?

The funniest answer wins the accolade "A-Org comedian-of-the-month".
The lamest gets to spend a long weekend with JoannaK debating Nietzsche Vs Dostoevsky: Who was the better stand-up comedian?  :-D

-john
Don\\\'t panic - bite the towel.
 

Offline Ami603

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2003, 03:25:05 PM »
DELAYED...
"But when i can get the next fly?"
-"When it`s done"
:-D:-D:-D:-D
AmigaOne X1000
 

Offline whabang

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2003, 03:33:07 PM »
Amiga airlines:
A small efficient company with small and simple, though still nice and comfortable planes.
During the 80's it was one of the major airlines, but the management were to stingy to keep the planes in good shape.
Today very few people go with Amiga airlines, mostly because they fly to fewer and fewer destinations. The few faithful passengers hate Windows airlines, though they sometimes go with Linux airlines when Amiga airlines can't take them where they want to go.
The owners of Amiga airlines keep on saying that things will be better and that they will get new planes, but nothing has happened for ten years.
Recently, Amiga airlines hired Hyperion aeromechanics to build some new planes for them, but a new company, Morphair,  formed by dissatisfied customers,  is trying to make similar planes.
Beating the dead horse since 2002.
 

Offline Ami603

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2003, 03:43:08 PM »
There`s also another company Eyetech,that has licence to bring new ATX planes with custom wheels and new flying PPC processor,but those planes doesn`t bring standard compatibility with old seats,and are flights covered by Linux Airplanes at the moment.Soon we can replace AmigaOS4 Seats on our planes,also we can get both seats on each plane.
:-D
AmigaOne X1000
 

Offline asian1

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2003, 05:04:47 PM »
Autogyro

Perhaps AmigaDE / Intent as Airline:

All of their aircraft are autogyros.
At first nobody believe it will fly.

The aircraft have propeller, but no fixed wing.
The aircraft have rotor, but the rotor IS NOT
powered by the engine!

It's some sort of strange Helicopter & Airplane hybrid!
 

Offline jumpship

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2003, 05:32:14 PM »
I love the windows one.

Quote
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off.  After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.


As long as 10mins?! :lol:
 

Offline asian1

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2003, 05:35:18 PM »
Boeing Harrier Jet

Hi
Another airplane suitable for AmigaDE Airlines!

Boeing's Harrier Jet (licensed from Hawker Siddeley, UK) is a "slow" fighter jet, but with strange capability:

1. Vertical take off /landing. It can literally "Jump" from short runway / aircraft carrier. For landing, it can drop down vertically!

2. It can "stop", "hover", make sharp turn in midair during dogfight, and stay behind the enemy jet fighter chasing the Harrier. This famous maneuver cann't be done by other jet fighter. Even F-16 cann't beat Harrier sharp turn maneuver!

3. The nozzle design of the future US jet fighter is based on Harrier's technology.

F-16 vs Harrier
 

  • Guest
Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2003, 06:19:39 PM »
At first things are going fine. The seat is comfortable, spacious and adjustable. The cabin intercom buzzes to life, interrupting an interesting film, and the captain's voice says, "Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Unfortunately, due to our ponderous route, we have run out of fuel half way to our destination. Just hang on in there though, and things will be fine." How can things be fine, you think, without any fuel? Nevertheless, the crew got you this far, so you trust that they know what they're doing.

Bzzt. "It's the captain again, ladies and gentlemen, just keeping you up to date on our situation. The last drops of fuel are being consumed as we speak, but all I ask is that you stay seated while we deal with the situation, and take a look at the duty free trolley."

The trolley comes past. There are 2 items for sale: a model plane and a box of chocolates. The plane looks fun, but when you ask the steward for the price, he informs you that this particular item isn't actually available yet. You decide to go for the chocolates. "$800 please," says the Steward. You turn away in disgust, and the trolley moves on.

Bzzt. "Hi, me again folks." says the captain. "Our tanks are now empty, and we're gliding under our own momentum, but we're still hopeful that some fuel will come along from somewhere. More later. Captain out."

Your seat begins to shake as the plane begins its unpowered descent. You hear the Steward behind you, listing the price for the chocolates. "$1000," he says.

It's dark outside the plane so you can't see the clouds or the ground. The screen in the back of your seat continues to list the altitude as 37,000 feet, even though the plane is clearly descending.

Bzzt. "Hi there. This is the Chief Steward speaking. The captain and copilot just bailed out. I believe their last words were "... long suckers!" but we can't be sure. You will notice the increasing speed of our descent. As such, we recommend that you fasten your safety belt and return your seats to their full upright position. Please relax and enjoy the remainder of the flight. Out."

Hmm. You start to wonder if maybe you should've chosen a different airline. No, no, you say. The crew has been good and polite so far, only a couple of minor slipups. They're just acting as best they can in a difficult situation. You put on the headphones to listen to the relaxation channel, but the sound system seems to be broken. You turn back to the TV screen, and the film you were watching is now playing at 3 fps. Perhaps a short nap would be best. Ah.

The plane begins to creak and groan as it plummets down towards the ground. The oxygen masks pop open, but appear to do nothing.

Bzzt. "Ladies and gentlemen, glad to hear you're still with us. The oxygen masks unfortunately are not yet functional, as the company we ordered the oxygen from was late delivering it, so we just took off without it. Some good news however: since there is nobody on board who knows how to fly, we at Amiga Airlines have all converted to One True Religion (tm) in the hope of some deity or other noticing us and plucking us from our inevitable fiery doom. Thankyou, and remember: keep the faith!"

The words of the Chief Steward are barely audible over the screaming twisting metal of the plane as it drops out of the sky. Rivets pop and sheet metal flaps wildly. You've been falling for nearly ten minutes. Surely the plane should've crashed by now?

Bzzt. "Hi, just keeping you updated. We might have an announcement to make soon. Out."

A group of passengers nearby, a mix of terrified mothers and angry fathers, get up and march to the front of the plane, desperately trying to stay upright as the plane falls apart around them. Two of them break away from the pack, head for the door, turn the lever in the direction of the arrow, and dive out into the night sky, leaving the gaping door hole to suck the atmosphere out of the airframe.

Bzzt. No voice can be heard above the chaos.

It's at this point when you really start to think about the wisdom of sticking with the airline.

Further up the cabin, fighting has broken out as various groups of passengers and stewards argue over the best course of action. Burning seats are thrown across the aisles. The Chief Steward is out on the periphery of the fight, pacing around in tiny circles, rubbing his hands, whispering to himself "fire fire fire fire fire fire..."

The plane hurtles ever onwards towards the ground. How on earth could it fall this low? Surely it must hit rock bottom at some point?

Bzzt. "This is Jeb speaking. We're a' takin' over this thing! Yeehaw!"

Nearly every other passenger is now fighting. You duck as your neighbours trade blows across your space. As you look down, you notice the floor buckling. A loud bang is accompanied by the sight of all onboard luggage sailing off into the night sky.

The tattered burning decrepit plane lunges down, speeding towards death, but somehow never quite makes it.

This was years ago. You are still strapped into your seat. Your fellow passengers are either dead or driven insane. And the plane keeps falling, lower and lower.
 

Offline Jupp3

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2003, 08:38:18 PM »
While you're here, why don't you check here, which Operating System YOU are?
http://bbspot.com/News/2003/01/os_quiz.php
:-)
 

Offline PasiM

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2003, 10:00:53 PM »
You know what? I'm Amiga OS  :-)

And hello world! This is my first message on this forum...

Pasi
 

Offline machinehead

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2003, 10:14:04 PM »
EXCELLENT!! If only Hollywood had writers this good :-P
This could replace "Twilight Zone" as the most surrealistic scene ever!!
Good Show!!
 

Offline MarkTime

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2003, 10:17:52 PM »
Amiga OS Airlines:

You buy your tickets, but the plane is delayed, 18 months later, over the intercom comes the announcement that the flight has been delayed, but will be leaving shortly.

At this point, it is requested that all ticket holders, purchase their tickets a second time, but in addition to the flight, ticket holders will now receive a free t-shirt.

3 months later, an announcement comes over the intercom, the airline will not make any more promises about when the plane will leave, but the t-shirt will be available shortly.

 

Offline MarkTime

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2003, 12:17:48 AM »
@jagr

oh my gosh, your post was so long, I almost didn't read it....that was too funny  :-D  :-D  :-D
 

Offline Rob

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2003, 12:31:45 AM »
When you fly Amiga airlines you fly safe in the knowledge that they
are too insignificant to be targeted by terrorists with virus bombs.
There would be no media coverage and hysteria that such organisations
need to make a real impact on the world.

Just my take on things, see below.

Today a man was found with a live grenade at London's Gatwick airport.
UK intelligence service information suggested their was to be a rocket
attack on a plane at heathrow.
 

Offline asian1

Re: If An OS Was An Airline.....
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2003, 08:30:04 AM »
Hello
AmigaOS Airlines:
A special airlines with all Airship fleet!

There are 2 kind of Airship: Dirigibles (with Frame, based on Hydrogen) and Blimp (No frame, based on Nitrogen).

History:
1. First and second non stop "Crossing Atlantic" journeys are using Dirigibles, not Charles Lindberg and his airplane.  

Crossing Atlantic

2. There are 2 major home computer wars between airlines.  Unfortunately Amiga Airlines lost the first war (US$ 1000 / less home computer) and forced to close (ie Bankrupt).

3. Between the war, a German company bought Amiga Airlines, but the Airlines was closed after the famous tragic crash of their flagship "ESCOM". After the fatal crash, new rumour appear: Amiga Curse!

4. After the second war (Internet, GUI), a giant US Airlines (Gateway) buy Amiga Airlines and try to revive it using Nitrogen base airship. Unfortunately the attempt also end with another crash of Flagship "MCC". Amiga Airlines almost bring down Gateway Airlines with its curse.

Post War

5. Early 2000, another American company, Amino, try to revive Amiga Airlines using blimp concept (Nitrogen,  no rigid frame). Unfortunately the attempt face several hurdle because of Amiga curse.

The financial supporter of Amino, the Billionaire George Soros and Dr Pentti Kouri also suffer from the famous curse. George Soros is convicted in France Court for insider trading case, and Kouri Capital went bankrupt in May 2001 with several million Dollar unpaid debt. Kouri Capital also bring down American Heritage fund.

6.  Amiga Inc try to use new strange technology "Autogyro" (Flagship: AmigaDE / AA), but there is a problem in intergrating AutoGyro with Airship.

Unfortunately this project also run into problems and promise of small, agilent and highly manueverable  airship (flagship: ZAURUS) and  High Altitude Platform System / HAPS for broadband Internet (flagship: NOKIA STB) also cancelled because of the famous curse.

HAPS

7. Recently there is another attempt to revive "All Airship" Airlines by Thendic, a company in German.
Unfortunately their MorphOS Airline and its flagship "Pegasos" (flying horse) also face difficult hurdle.

New Zeppelin